Archive
2011 TV Preview Part Two: In which CBS knows what CBS do
Yesterday, I took it upon myself – dedicated servant to the people of the Internet that I am – to predict the fates of some of next season’s new television hopefuls. In lieu of pilot screeners or genuine critical talent, I’ve opted to approach this task with the next best thing: a preposterous gimmick: Which shows will wind up on the scrap heap before finishing out a season, like last year’s poster child of ineptitude, The Cape? And which will become the sort of Nielsen-slobbering stalwarts that run for six seasons and a movie, as a normally wise man once predicted for that selfsame The Cape?
Today, I check in on CBS, which continues to dance with the fluffy multi-camera sitcoms and moody procedurals that brung ’em to the network TV catbird seat.
Read more…
A Look At The 2011 TV Season, Through The Lens of The Cape
No sooner does the current television season come to close than do the five (four? four and a half?) main networks begin directing our collective gaze to the awesome and amazing new shows awaiting us next season.
Some of these offerings may approach the sort of cultural ubiquity that renowned TV guru Abed Nadir imagined was in store for The Cape (i.e., six seasons and a movie). Others will turn out to be risible, misbegotten calamities that crash and burn in a blaze of anti-glory, like what actually happened with The Cape. Most will probably fall somewhere between those extremes, but I’m going to ignore those cases because they don’t conform easily to this admittedly strained joke premise.
Place your bets, Windy City
Illinois Governor Pat Quinn has gone on the record supporting a casino in Chicago, an idea which has also been previously endorsed by new Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel. Whether this long-discussed, often-thwarted plan ever becomes a reality remains to be seen. But any gambling enterprise that may set up shop in my hometown would be wise to tap into the parochial nature of Second Citizens. Might I suggest a few locally-flavored odds for future Chicago bookies to consider.
Celebrity Apprentice recap: “Bitter Suites”
Guys, we all knew this day was coming. It happened. It’s over. Sulking about it won’t do any good. Gary Busey is gone, and he isn’t coming back. Don’t worry, I hear the producers sent him to a farm upstate. He’ll have plenty of room to frolic and practice his animal impressions and book ironic sitcom cameos and talk show appearances. And if you all behave yourselves, I promise, next season we can get a new Gary Busey.
For now, a somewhat less flummoxed nation soldiers on. When last we left the men of Team Backbone, John Rich was one white glove short of challenging his teammate to a duel, and Meat Loaf was stammering like a trauma victim (it should be noted that the CDC has repeatedly warned against prolonged exposure to Gary Busey). Donald Trump – a man who doesn’t stand for turmoil, discord, or needless attention – had no choice but to send the troublemaker packing.
The good news is, I’m sure NBC has a back-up plan in place for Busey, just like when they stuck Charles Van Doren on the Today show after he finally lost on Twenty-One. The bad news is, The Cape flamed out before he could land a three-episode arc as recurring villain.
Read more…
Celebrity Apprentice recap: “Australian Gold”
In the two weeks since I first ventured into the world of Celebrity Apprentice, Donald Trump has firmly established himself as the Most Annoying Man In America (Non-Elected Official Division). And yet, returning to the boardroom this week, I found it astonishingly easy to compartmentalize away my distaste for the asinine politics and birther hokum he’s been spouting in non-reality-based-contexts. (Hey, it doesn’t get much more non-reality-based than Fox News.)
Maybe that’s because Trump isn’t really a political contender, any more than he’s really a real estate magnate. He’s a professional celebrity, an entertainer who wears various public guises to inflate his profile. Unlike true demagogues, he doesn’t set the zeitgeist, he follows it. People like Limbaugh and Palin are like the pharmaceutical companies, creating the blockbuster ideas; Trump is like the generics manufacturer who makes a low-risk killing repackaging a proven winner.
So my conscience is relatively at ease as I load up Hulu and give NBC another monetizable click on the Celebrity Apprentice page (I say “relatively” at ease because, well, I’m still frigging watching Celebrity Apprentice). I learned two important things from the recap of last week’s episode, in which the teams sold art for charity: 1) Everyone on the men’s team is fed up with Gary Busey, and 2) Gary Busey is manna from ratings heaven. The men all wanted him gone, but Trump instead ousted Richard Hatch, because he sold the least art and not because he sells less ad space for NBC than Busey, definitely not, and how could you even think such a thing?
Andrea Pallas Daglas 
Flashback: An Elegy for Mitt
Reprinted here, a limerick I composed in tribute to Mitt Romney and his thwarted 2008 presidential bid, originally posted as a blog comment on The New Republic‘s website Feb. 7, 2008. Why? Beats the hell out of me. Inspiration takes odd forms sometimes.
There once was a candidate named Mitt
With the right, he never quite fit
Though he wore many faces
He won none of the bases
And his prospects turned quickly to shit.
He spent and he spent very hard
Played pro-life and bigotry cards
Though perfectly coiffed
Voters thought he was soft
And he found himself feathered and tarred
He said, “Double Guantanemo Bay!
Lock all those terrorists away!
And kick out Mexicans, to boot,
Then some varmints we’ll shoot!”
Still his chances have faded away
There once was a candidate named Mitt
Whose teeth were so white that they lit
By Brooks Brothers clothed,
By evangelicals, loathed
Now finally, the bullet he’s bit.